Markdown lines 298–352 · Part 6 of 11
something else is making itself known is because it really has to like we're really at this kind of I don't know man it feel my whole life I felt like we were on this tight rope between like Collective destruction and Enlightenment or something and I really struggle man to adopt again that new age cliche idea that like oh the heightening of Consciousness is coming and everything going to be great it really feels like
there is a very equal paralleling race between you know that Collective Soul sickness destructive energy and the Ascension energy or whatever you want to call it and I think the only thing that's going to tip the scalan truly is collective personal choice like there needs to be some kind of effort like honestly Global effort to experience these things personally to do that dark work to like get into the shadow to look in those
places you know like you mentioned before like some people are terrified of that of that experiencing and guess what I'm terrified of it too it's it's one of the most like it's the most humbling thing I was thinking about you know the you know the meme where the guy is like sweating deciding which button to push and then there's some versions of it where he's pushing both buttons um it like that's what these experiences are it's like love and fear
Annihilation and immortality it's like all of those things in the same Spectrum it's the same they're only different by uh scale or you know the same things yeah and in a strange way like what that that ties together this no thyself idea like that that's what it means like really experience all those spectrums and like extremes that's what it means to know yourself like on a meta deep level that is both healing and annihilating it's like
healing through annihilation in some ways like some I don't know you know you you talk about the like the [ __ ] that throws McDonald's out and there's so many different examples of like how the hell could a human act like that so yeah why would you ever litter or like why would you ever not hold the door for an old lady or like you know how How can any country have kids that are going hungry or like I mean there's so many
examples of how humans act nasty um towards one another and including themselves and I I agree that there has to be this kind of mass removal of that and and I use the analogy plaque how I think Society just builds up so much plaque on everybody and some of it is to survive I mean same thing with like huxley's reducing valve you know you you can't take in all the radio waves and microwaves and all these X-rays and all this [ __ ] like
you know the whole point is you can't take in everything um but that that plaque over time bogs people down to where yeah they don't even think twice about littering in destroying the planet they don't think twice about stealing from the neighbor and then take it to the next level they don't think twice about killing or or you know kidnapping like all that the horrible [ __ ] that people do and that analogy of plaque and
this is where psychedelics was that mechanical removal of it and whether people need a mechanical removal um a chemical removal or whatever it may be I know when I had that proverbial plaque remove for me it was such such a two-fold thing where not only all that that weight was removed um so that way I could express my True Light my creativity my uniqueness I could laugh I could smile I could express myself I felt comfortable in my own skin but I
also now was able to receive the beautiful divine light from sauce from other people from from you know just from being connected to that energy and you know it's it's a a visual analogy but I think it applies but so many people just covered with that [ __ ] and and something needs to remove it whether it be a weekend trip to to minroe like we know happen to people or whether it be you know 50 hits of DMT like my first day um oh God that's you
know like something something needs to to to blast that plaque and again once that plaque's removed it's it's not like there's not going to be traffic tickets or [ __ ] or you're never going to stub your toe again I mean life's still going to give you some some kicks in the dick and there will be some bad things but you approach it in a way uh of truly of of of gratitude knowing that everything isn't e and a flow and that
everything is happening for a reason that enjoy the experience you know live in the current now don't be so caught up in the past or future um and it's such a liberating enriching and enhancing way to live when you don't have that crap built up around you and I know like in my case I was really just I was using alcohol quite a bit and I I didn't I was so um on the offense of if anybody said anything negative about me because I
always would just throw in all my financial successes and my material successes and be like oh how dare you question me look how great I am and always just use that as a defense and because of that I I I literally destroyed my life and everything in it and everybody around it and only until I was able to finally be my true unique weird self was I able to to thrive again now not Thrive financially I mean I'm still you know I still got a big pile of
[ __ ] that I'm working out of but i' I'd say one important um aspect of psychedelics or inner work of of trying to know yourself is you stop banging your head against the wall or stop doing the things that don't work it's not that all the problems go away if anything a spotlight is shine directly on them but now you know where to put your mental and physical energy to correct it where you know for years and years of my life I
just was wasting all my beautiful mental and physical energy in a self-destructive path as opposed to a beautiful creative path um and just just that that intellectual shift of taking control over how you not only express yourself but also what energy you let in you know what what that re resonant field that you you build around you um is is super super important and those are the lessons that don't just go away um those are the lessons that stick with
you for life and you know a big part of me trying to share this message too is that it just feels good like it's very easy to to not be an alcoholic like it's very easy to wake up full of gratitude and joy it's very easy to feel like you're you're one with sauce and that you know to love your neighbor as opposed to the person that's constantly yelling the person that's constantly you know yelling at the the person at the in
the market line or every time they get in the car they're having Road AG where um and I don't know if I use this you know story with you at the at Monroe but I heard this story about where was on a podcast where somebody was like you know if there's one or two [ __ ] in your life well then you know they they're the [ __ ] if everybody in your life is the [ __ ] like you're the [ __ ] you
know you got to take a look at yourself and if every day you're the guy that's yelling like I said in the car and having road rage if every day you're go getting home looking at the news and you're screaming at the TV if you're pissed off about making dinner then pissed off about cleaning dinner you're pissed off about like man take a step back because once you realize that life can be full of like ice cream and coffee
and making love to beautiful women and walks in the woods and you know just amazing experiences like we've shared uh doing the you know that next step in human evolution becomes almost easy natural and just like a self-fulfilling prophecy because it feels good it it works um yeah there's that there's that Allen Watts I think it is quote I think it's Alan Watts where he says something to the de to the effect of you can do it
like it's a great burden or you can do it like a dance you know it's it's like you're you're going to go through life one way or the other what what disposition do you want it to have um I I wanted to say too it's really interesting that you that you put it as like this removal of plaque because one of the most influential platonic philosophers platinus who if you if you haven't heard of him he is this like deep contemplative like he underscores
the importance of reconnecting with Source Divinity the one through isolation and through removing yourself from worldly input and doing what just sounds like deep meditation and contemplation but from a very uh I guess like devotional almost like prayerful disposition you know of like really really reaching out like really making it so that you are Desiring Divinity with all of your heart um because that's a big difference like
I think when when we when we sit down and meditate we just watch our breath I find myself kind of gravitating toward that kind of just humbleness and like almost prayerful like just just wanting to reconnect wanting to ask for for help not not with like any specific thing like please God give me more followers like not like that but but you know just like generally like want to feel supported by everything um so yeah it's really
interesting because he says like you must remove this I think he says stains not plaque but it's the same idea is like it your perception your sense of self your psyche is just covered in stains with like worldly stains of like exactly what you're talking about emotional stains obligations trauma things people said to you ideas about yourself like what all this [ __ ] and that requires an undoing and you can undo it through the method
he prescribes a lot of sitting down and meditating through definitely I think through hemisync through all these different ways of um going deep inside the self but I can absolutely guarantee that you can do it right now with with a with a sufficient dose of at tryptamine that's for sure um we've been talking about very meta like the a lot of this stuff very meta and you've started to elude to your own experiences somewhat
your own struggles somewhat um and I guess just as a fun entry point into those experiences and into your your journey how do you think about where DMT is taking you now like now you've done it hundreds of times now that you've you know for people listening you you are the guy at the retreat waking up and and reading an esoteric book every day so you're like you're just actively in this Seeker mode so you're also like expanding your
horizon of ideas and your all the different lenses that you have access to with all of that how do you think about where what DMT is doing for you or where it's taking you now yeah so I I can honestly say that DMT saved my life and that's you know I know that's a very heavy statement but it it's it's true um so I'm very grateful and thankful for the opportunity that I've had to truly I feel like every day is a blessing um
this is my second chance at life and I'm never going to take that for granted uh but I'd like to I share my story and how I got into it because it's not it's not necessarily Pleasant one um it's actually horrifically dark and like I said it almost ended with me you know losing my life but it's important to share because hopefully it will prevent other people from going down that same dark path of self-destruction um so I
guess maybe just in in context how I even go exposed to it uh and I kind of go over this quickly in my book because I don't want to sensationalize my own life and I think you know I just recently turned 44 anybody that's come to my age is going to have a whole series of their own [ __ ] their own you know lessons trauma loss all of that mine and I wanted to make this point though was all self-induced so I was the