Markdown lines 134–188 · Part 3 of 4
or like being on some kind of vessel comes to mind and when that does start to happen it's hard to not get your hopes up like am I about to lift off like is this about to like really happen alas it has not happened um in terms of like developing this fluency I'm beginning to notice there's a really clear difference between the imaginal and things just presenting themselves like my own imagination in these states is much improved compared to normal I
mean you're so all of your resources are dedicated to this theater of the mind there's a difference though between that and things strange just presenting themselves to you and I've really been wanting the lad in one of these Focus 15 exercises you know again this is this place that's supposed to be Beyond Time and youall know me being super into platonism I wanted to see something Timeless and immediately the first thing
I think of is like a platonic form you know can you show me something Timeless can you show me something um that doesn't exist in SpaceTime and is beyond SpaceTime and I didn't get it at that time but leaving a meditation last night I had this really interesting experience where um I think I've already talked about the clicking in and clicking out in case I didn't um clicking out is more like a very sudden loss of awareness and
then you just suddenly come back into awareness versus sleeping is like you know the gradual going to sleep process that we all know um and whether or not those two things are actually different I don't know what I do know is I clicked out last night in a meditation and when I came to I was in this Hypno uh on the way out of sleep it's called hypnopompic I was in this kind of hypnopompic state where you know I was getting this kind of
wavy U Mind's Eye visual kind of a fractally Vibe and then very quickly almost like just snapshots like kind of um very sudden very brief I got these like flashes of mathematics like I got these flashes of geometry and equations and shapes and immediately when it happened I was like that was incredible cuz I know that that information is not in my it's at least not in my conscious mind but I definitely saw it it was definitely
there I haven't really come to any conclusions about what's going on here you know at at this point in the week I do know the human Psych has it it's has its own Dimension and we are woefully unlu in that Dimension we spend so little time actually diving into our own Consciousness it's honestly really sad and this week as much as I'm loving it it makes me sad that I haven't done something like this sooner well my friends I can't believe I'm saying this
but I had an actual OB I'm still freaked out um it's it's I want to say it's not what I expected but it is strangely close to the stories I've heard to so I guess what my expectations were uh let's just recap the morning in general this meditation we did this morning was um you know a journey through a bunch of different Focus levels on our way up to focus level 21 which is supposed to be um they call it like a bridge between
worlds kind of uh space but for me this morning I was just getting a lot of imagery a lot of interesting stuff really enjoyed that morning meditation I described it in my journal as a really nice surf through multiple Realms and this morning felt like a really good mixture of me the way I also wrote it in my journal is having the imagination meet the mystery halfway like you you start to imagine something and then all
this stuff happens like it's it's very it's probably very similar to like yungi and active imagination I would think where you you have this combination of initiating some process yourself and then something that feels like you're absolutely not creating it comes and and meets you there these quick scene changes and most of the time that I can't really ascribe a whole lot of direct meaning to some people are having these amazing sort of what sound like
very archetypally charged imagery of like you know hooded figures and like receiving items that seem very archetypally significant if and going through you know straight up fantasy novel type environments so this is the last full day of the retreat now I've just felt like this occasion to slow down to really take time with everything I'm doing not look at the clock not look at my phone has been extremely medicinal and also there's just something so
special about being in a group of seekers you know as diverse as this group is and it is really diverse you know age-wise um people from different parts of the world um they're really is a kinship there I think we all have a tenuous at best relationship with the dark you know it's easy to asso like associate the dark with the unknown with Fe fear of a lot of different things fear of our own minds fear of death of course so I think a lot of us try to
subconsciously minimize the amount of time we're spending in the dark but I think this experience went a really long way toward changing my relationship to the dark and my relationship to Consciousness and really like I had a I honestly had a really profound emotional release yesterday getting into my check unit just thinking about darkness and thinking about darkness' relationship to Consciousness and that probably every
conscious being has this experience of the dark and it's one of the most beautiful primordial sacred spaces you can be in but it's also one of the scariest at the same time and I went down this whole just incredibly goth emo Rabbit Hole of thinking about the relationship between Divinity darkness and not just personal loneliness but the loneliness of God you know like if God is what it seems to be through the words of all of these
Mystics it's United it's one right and so is the darkness like the darkness is United and one but it's also incredibly lonely so I went on this whole trip about God's loneliness and how we're like these holographic manifestations of God that remedies God's Own loneliness and yeah I just broke down in tears in my check unit so profound things have happened that said the second meditation this morning uh over an hour long and
this meditation was a little bit different because it had so all of these Focus level meditations have had tones they've had you know some uh ambient elements to them some um verbal directions and this one did too but it also had these periods of really long just absolute silence so the way it happened was during one of these periods of long silence um I kind of Click out and then I just wake up and I'm in a room and
when I say wake up it's like it's like I'm in this room it was did not feel like a dream it felt as real as anything in front of me right now but then I think to myself where am I like I don't know this room like how did I get into this room what like I don't understand where I am or what's going on and as soon as I have that feeling of I'm not supposed to be here I remember like oh no I'm in the check unit right now I'm not I'm not in this room and
then when I have that realization I'm pulled back into the bed and everything's up like I'm just kind of like my body is phased out of itself it feels like and as soon as I try to move my physical body doesn't move this other body moves and it starts to just levitate above my physical body and this might sound cool or something but it was genuinely terrifying and I had no control over this other body really or very little it was just like I
told someone it was kind of like being a newborn baby just having almost no control over your limbs um I remember in uh one of Chris Ramsey's videos he talks about the importance of when you if you achieve this state and you feel out of control or you're confused it's important to just speak like say what you want I think in his video he said I need clarity or I demand Clarity but I couldn't talk like I couldn't say anything um I Tred to talk and
eventually I'm just like help help help and I say I say help and then as I'm saying help I slowly like I can feel myself sinking back down into my physical body and then I just spring awake and I'm just sitting there in disbelief well let let me before I get to that at the beginning of this ramble I said in a strange way it's almost exactly what like what you would expect and what I mean by that is it's not I always had this idea that maybe it would
be psychedelic looking like maybe it would be like oh yeah I've been here on a heroic dose before or something but it really wasn't it was just like you're in the room it it felt the same that said I was in a dark box so I didn't really see anything other than darkness in my own bed um but it felt kind of like what you would imagine that it would feel like it feels almost like there's like this rushing energy around it almost kind of
Buzzy and liquidy um but it's all per perating throughout everything and there was like a noticeable feeling of levity to it just like a lifted feeling like a wavy lifted feeling and yeah it's crazy I I it's it's genuinely one of those moments that I'm going to be integrating and making sense of for a long time one of the ways there's a guy Jason who works here who does a lot of the lab work there's a there's a separate building that's a lab
that we got to tour yesterday and I just happened to run into him and he's he described it as a sort of a feeling like you just got out of a car accident or something like that feeling of where you're just heightened and of course my intellectual rational mind is still trying to find ways to like poke holes in this experience but all I can tell you is it felt incredibly real just as real as this right now I've never experienced anything like that before
and as far as I'm concerned I I don't know how I could ask for anything more real than that so at the beginning I asked that question what if you could prove to yourself that you're more than your physical body what would that change for you how would you live your life what would you do differently and I guess first I should directly address it did I do that for myself well in a sense I think yes to a degree I think yes but
at the same time my rational mind does still want to put up defenses you know how do you know that wasn't a hallucination how do you know that wasn't just some really Vivid dream there's one counter to those criticisms that I want want to share with you and it's essentially this how do you rational mind or skeptical person know what's real in general do you question it during waking consciousness when you're at your job when you're with your
partner when you're laughing with your friends because if those things are under the umbrella of what you consider to be real I can't without being disingenuous put this experience this outof body experience in a different category it is as hyperreal a thing thing as I've ever experienced honestly it doesn't just feel disingenuous it feels cowardly to try to confine this experience to some more palatable interpretation of reality or to the
status quo because I can't prove an empirically because I can't lay out scientific data for you and also if some of history's most Brilliant Minds have been describing non-ordinary States Of Consciousness that extend beyond the body since time and Memorial and I have now personally experienced it I have now personally verified it who am I to say that it isn't exactly what it seems like it is that you really do have something
more than a physical body that you really do have some kind of second body or Soul vehicle or energy body or whatever and if that list of terms doesn't underscore this I do want to say that there's so much more that I don't know that's what always seems to happen in all of these uh ontologically shocking experiences that I've had through my life is as soon as you answer one question a million other questions grow like a fractal off of