Markdown lines 406–460 · Part 8 of 10
then I was again you know in this state of am I sleeping did I just imagine that or was that you know so it wasn't clear I didn't get that Clarity I wanted but I still think you know again it's all it's all about your perception of these events that really matter and one thing I talked I talked to my friend the other day about you know sort of the reality and dreams and something really interesting is that you know to prove
something in this reality you know I don't I don't need to I don't need to grab you and say hey look these people are real you know I don't need to do that in this reality we just I just assume that everybody's on the same page and living the same reality as I am and and and therefore I don't have to like drag you around to to prove to you that things are real well when I'm in a dream I also don't feel the need to grab somebody outside of my dream and
be like look it's a it's it's it's a dream no I just assume everybody in my dream in this reality is all on the same page as I am and that doesn't stop me from living that reality it you know knowing it's a dream doesn't make me go a it's just a dream no it's real to me I'm in this reality right so again I I just feel like there is a a sense of realness to these stat of whatever you want to call them but I I do feel that they're real and I do
feel that they're meaningful I just don't think they're always physical yeah yeah totally there's a there's a phrase um that I believe it was coined by this philosopher HRI Corban and um Yung would use it a lot too and it's like the Mundus imaginalis it's like the world of the imaginal and it's trying to communicate this idea that the world of the imaginal may be seemingly separate from the physical world but it is a
world and it is real in its own way and there is a language and there is phenomena going there that's just as important as the physical and if you completely cut yourself off from that you're going to notice that something is deeply missing from your life but the good news is is that if you make time for it and you try to reach out to that thing consistently you will gradually feel more and more at home in your own mind
more more at home in your own skin and that's that's really what I thought my biggest takea away from this week was going to be until I had my Peak experience on Thursday I I was like I have such a better relationship with my mind I have such a better relationship with Darkness like I so my big release I had the same thing happen like I had this pocket of like I don't know heart chakra energy or uh you know theam Mania
in the Greek like divine Madness in a good way where I was just completely overcome with gratitude and started balling as well I had this crazy realization about Darkness itself where it's just like this this feeling of why are you afraid of me like this is I'm I'm you like the darkness is you the darkness is God you're connected like this part of you that's the part that's the most ancient of all before any ideas before anything there was a probably a
great Continuum of conscious awareness absent of color you know and that something about that visceral realization just like really hit me and made me just like break down that connection to the ancient is something I felt as well and I felt that when I started uh vibrating when my body started like humming this electrical Buzz I felt that as well I was literally the only way I could describe it the feeling that I had was whatever's
happening to me has been happening for thousands of years like this is ancient right now that I'm experiencing this is what ties me to all the people you know that have come before me for the thousands and thousands of years on this planet like that's what ties me is this event right now we're all connected through this Y and I just had that feeling I didn't know really how to describe it but yeah when you said that you know this ancient this is who you
are it's it's primordial it's like it's before time it's like this whole yeah yeah it's a very exciting uh and releasing feeling to understand that like hey there's more to this than just what we what's out here you know yeah and speaking of there being more to this you know like I said a lot of people there were trying to prove that fact to themselves through having an actual outof body experience and I should say that I kind of wasn't sure if that was
really a thing you know I wasn't sure if speaking of imaginal I wasn't sure if that was like really vividly going somewhere in your mind and feeling like wow I'm there I'm I'm seeing this very clearly but I became sure I was dude it's straight up leaving your body it is can we say that now straight up leaving your body know that's what it is it's insane so I will say I am the most shocked person of anyone that I had an
OB because I didn't expect it I was not the A+ student who during every debrief I was like I went on this crazy imaginal journey and I connected with my guides and I did this and I did that there were people blowing me away with their experiences and they felt very archetypal and like you could tell they weren't making it up because they were just perplexed by things and I was like like um like one someone I wound up
talking to a lot I'm sure she won't mind me saying um the woman who's a pro golfer she was she was having experiences and I won get into the specifics but the she was saying as someone who's into like and into archal imagery I could tell she was experiencing archetypal imagery Shadow material um stuff that her unconscious was trying like or or her soul or something was trying to communicate to her to go deeper and I was like oh I
want to have these experiences so anyway on Thursday which is the last you know day of meditations uh and this is the of focus 21 the deepest state that you go to during the longest meditation you do in this Retreat it's this meditation called superf flow like free flow yeah yeah yeah so you're slowly working your way up to this highest Focus level that we do deepest whichever one you want to call deepest lowest I don't
know and you're just taking a lot of time to get there and when you take a lot of time you tend to go into this clicking out State more for sure it's it's much harder to not click out so I believe we were probably 40 minutes into this long meditation and I'm I'm riding that Razor's Edge like it's a really it it's not eventful in terms of there being a narrative or really feeling like I'm communicating with anything but I just
feel like I'm in this really really calm deep State of Consciousness a lot of kind of like mandala e shadowy almost like um uh not exactly Flower of Life type stuff going on but just just very like you can tell you're in that tunnel like you're traveling down that tunnel where it's just you're in some very very I don't know flowy energetically Rich territory but anyway so So eventually I'm I'm in about Focus 15 I think and I just suddenly feel like I
wake up in a room like I'm just physically in a room and it's not like I'm imagining it it's like I'm there I'm feeling everything I'm seeing everything it's a real goddamn room and I'm looking out the window but as I'm looking out the window I'm like how do I get here again like what where am I right now and then I think to myself no no I'm not here I'm in the check unit and as soon as I think that I'm back in the check unit but everything feels
extremely aew and out of phase is the best way I can put it do do you have a sort of buzzing energy like is there like a yes there's like a palpable like almost electric euphoric like buzzing yes but the one thing I didn't have that almost everybody says they have is like the the loud ringing in the ears I don't whooshing sound I don't remember that I I may have had it but it just doesn't stand out to me uh and then as I start
trying to move I feel my non-physical self start to just Elevate and it literally is just going up in the air going up in the air and it's a like like Chris just said it's a it's a noticeable feeling of energy of charge of almost but also kind of almost liquidy like liquidy being like Disturbed or vibrated kind of feeling vibrating at a high frequency like yeah yeah and it and a noticeable feeling of an upward lift like like it almost feels just like
there's this I mean magic magic carpet is a dumb way to put it but just like almost like there's just this part of you that's underneath you or something and I start to freak out like it it's a very strange feeling like it feels like everything in you is like this is not this is wrong at least for me it felt wrong like I shouldn't be in this state and I start trying to move my non-physical body and it's like a bag of heavy water or
something it just it doesn't feel like I can control it well at all so I start to freak out but I'm also like no wait turn around try to look at yourself try to look at your physical phical body so you can experience that thing and I couldn't quite make that happen like it felt like I was just like slow motion turning and then I just start again the fear sort of takes over and I just start thinking help help help and eventually I I start
saying help help help and as I'm saying that I just start slowly sinking back down into my body and then I pop up and I'm just like oh my God oh my God that happened that just happened and immediately I'm in this belief but also we have to communicate this to people it is so real it is not it does not feel like you're in a dream no it feels as real as this right now the perspective change that you achieve of being up in
the air feels just as real as this right now yes it doesn't look psychedelic like I really thought maybe I'd be seeing all this crazy psychedelic sort of visual stuff that's not what it looked like it just looked normal granted I am in a dark box basically so I'm not very but all I tell you is it absolutely happened I'm as certain as I can be that it happened and I got up and it it felt like I had just narrowly escaped death
or something like it really F like there's this charge going through me and I was like holy holy and I went you know I left the meditation I go downstairs I'm just pacing around I thought about knocking on the door of the control room where the instructors were and just being like I did this you know um but I I went right up to the door and I'm like no I'm not going to disturb them I'm just going to think about this for a while and then people
you know slowly come out of the meditation and they start Milling around and they're like you okay like what what's going on so I'm like slowly just start telling people the story and yeah that's all I can say is it happened and it's it's super surreal it's just super surreal it's surreal yeah more than real uh when you went back into your body did you physically feel yourself interfacing with your physical how did that did you do you
remember feeling that do you remember just uh going in I think it was kind of just like a noticeable palpable sense of like a kind of like putting your hand in water like almost like air yeah yeah because that's that's what it felt like for me as well when I went back in the second time it happened to me I went I I panicked and I wanted to get back and I panicked and I say panic because like you said it's real yeah and and and
people are like well why are you afraid I'm like I'm not afraid of flying in a dream but if I'm flying in real life yeah that's scary that's something I need to be scared of right because what's happening right now so when I went through my body I actually went down lower about 2 three inches and I felt like I could go lower and that scared me even more right I wanted to get get back up into my body but I did feel like an like a yeah phasing through